We are dying for connection.
Right after break-up, I jumped straight right in the dating pools or more like a cesspool of humanity, hoping to temporarily numb the pain. Sadly, the universe does not work in that way especially when it comes to mending your broken pieces. I felt even lonelier. I met so many people dying for other attention, validation, and attraction, and that is normal I guess since we are wired to be that way. People are inherently lonely… we look externally to find inner peace which is an impossible task in itself and yet disappointed because that peace is nowhere to be found from outside. I think it is crucial to focus on yourself first (though I’m still struggling as well) — try to avoid all the quick fixes that might come back and bite you later in life. You need to understand that the only connection you need right now is with yourself. You need to be connected to your inner peace to move on.
No Label is bullshit
When we first unofficially dated, my ex-partner kept saying that we did not need to label our relationship. We could just let it flow the way things were meant to be. We were each other comfort zones and companies. Let me tell you this once and for all guys and girls… this is a TOTAL BULLSHIT. No label is NO relationship regardless of how things seem to be going great for you. It is just not right. You wouldn’t leave a piece of cloth on the salesfloor hoping to pick it up when it is on sale, if you really like the piece that much you would have to buy it regardless of the price, you need to make it yours before someone else swoop in, right?. This goes to relationship as well, no labeling could work for some time but at the end of the day we all need some sort of assurance to hold on to. We all deserve to have that CONFIRMATION in any relationships otherwise it is not a relationship at all.
It’s not about hard work
Love is not the result of hard work. It doesn’t matter how many hours you put in or how hard you have tried to assimilate yourself into his/her space. Love should be effortless and mutual/equal push&pull on both sides. He/She should not have left you feeling unsure or unvalidated.
Staying friends is tough
Me and my ex had been through a lot together in the past two years, the mutual memories are so vivid that keep stabbing me whenever I think about it. I just simply cannot put my mind at ease. We want to stay friends, but to be totally honest with myself, it is super hard. Most people want to stay friends because they think that there is still a tiny chance they might restart their relationship, but that unlikely to happen in any realities. Just look at Dr. Strange’s.
Get (professional) help
When I first got my heart broken, I was so hesitant to see a doctor (psychologist) because I felt like it was no big deal and I was afraid that the doctor would laugh at me. Society made us feel like as if break-up was a small inconvenience/ insignificant incident that every human being has to go through (hopefully) once in their lives . The truth is, it may really be a small thing, but it literally shatters our world so much that the pain is unbearable. If you are going through it right now, listen to me, it is a BIG deal, and the pain is real. Get help! I went to see the doctor and she helped me so much coping with the pain. If you feel like you cannot make it despite the help of friends and family, ask your doctor to prescribe some anti-depressant meds, it will help you cope with your daily activities, so you are at least able to function day-to-day tasks. If you couldn’t sleep at night or wake up multiple times a night, then that is also a good indicator that you should see a doctor and get some meds to help you through this tough transition.
Vent…like a lot
I don’t like this but trust me it is quite useful. Find a friend who can listen to your repeated story for a thousand times and still not be bored of you. You need to vent HARD, because this will help talking some pressure off your stream.
Find an activity that can be a routine
Being in relationship means that you are likely to spend most your time with him/her and once they have left you then that gap/void/empty space becomes a big source of pain and suffering. You need to create a routine that fills that void, something that you can stick to it for a long time regardless of you being in a relationship or not. Like most people, I would advise some activities that revolve around self-improvement or self-care. After the break-up, I found (and still find) that my self-esteem is on the lower side, so I think it is crucial that you need to bring back your self-esteem to higher level in which will help you with moving on from the past relationship as well.
You, first, and always
Face the truth
They are gone, long gone. It is just you now. This is what we all have to accept.
